Healing your Heart

Imagine going into your shift at the shelter or vet practice and having your supervisor tell you that your goal for the day is, “to work yourself into an emotional wreck and experience intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about every normal situation that will be part of your day”. What would you think of a boss like that? And why would anyone want to follow this insane command? Of course not, but often that is what we do to ourselves day in and day out. We can be the worst “boss” of ourselves and not realize it.

Have you ever thought of the difference between a firefighter and a police officer? The firefighters comes when things are out of control, when there is a clear problem, the fire, which needs to be put out and people need to be saved. A police officer also is called to action when there is trouble but additionally can be proactive to preventing bad situations from happening. You may have heard someone you work with or volunteer with say, “All I do is put out fires”. The voice you hear saying this may also be your own. Not being able to be more of a police officer in both our shelter and personal lives can definitely have its effect on our mental and emotional well-being. We may be particularly good at putting out fires but the personal reward and its effect on our minds and bodies is definitely felt a little differently than when we are able to take that same energy and do something proactively and do it well. There is definitely an emotional and mental imbalance when we do not believe we are serving both sides. So our day can begin with anxiety and can end with even more anxiety and worry piled on.

We talk ourselves into a anxious frenzy we cannot seem to escape, all we do is chase fires; we are nervous, depressed and feeling physically spent.

So, who can help heal our stressed filled hearts?

Short backstory, I have found a way towards peace via seeking therapy due to PTSD from my days with rescue and the turmoil from cruel intentions of those who sought to close our group, and an uphill battle against those not afraid to and say anything to get what they were after. With the loss of our beloved founder and a dear friend at the root of the melee. After the legal dust started to settle and I found a safe home to try and start over, I began noticing the emotions I had pushed down while in that battle were starting to manifest in troubling physical symptoms or coming out in very sudden emotional moments. A chaos of a different level was evolving within me, and a serious eruption seemed on the horizon. Please understand, my situation was extreme, and I pray none of you would ever have to experience this level of behavior from others. But none the less, this series of events created some very dark inner self talk, and however hard it was to put that into rational words, it was being felt daily in everything I did. The minute I woke, a tight anxiety also woke in my chest and gut that was impossible to shake. It was like I was still back in those days; those conflicts and the villains were still alive and in my life. I realize now that we all have these feelings to some degree at some point in our lives with animal welfare, since our hearts get very much invested in already difficult situations, this can further escalate the sense of being in an emotional whirlwind that feels inescapable. But you CAN escape. Yes, you can.

And here it is…..Meditation is your medication! Oh no, you may think, (1) not that hippie stuff, or (2) no, I think prayer is going to be my salvation, (3) I can work this out, I just need some quiet time or night out with adult bevs and the girls, or finally, (4) meditation is crap, come up with something else you daft fool.

I resisted meditation for years and for so many vague reasons, with a wave of my hand, nope, dismiss, g’bye! I now realize that I wanted something that involved someone else helping me as a solution, not me doing the work. Wasn’t half the problem that I was usually the one called on to be Wonder Woman for everyone else, wasn’t it time I get my own hero to swing in and save me for a change? I cited justifications such as I did not have the time or resources, that this seemed like another project that would only interrupt my usual routine. In retrospect, I clearly did not see I was losing my ability to take care of myself but instead was making excuses about why I should not take care of me! Does that make sense or sound familiar to you?

Quick note, I am a believer in God. This is not about turning my back on that faith, but rather adding another pathway to seeing the glory of God and the beauty of the world. This is not, I repeat, not, about finding a “false god” or other deity.

Part of the goal of meditation is to help us separate our thoughts from our feelings. The fact is there is a time to be analytical about thoughts and a time to not be. If we are making everything a problem or heightening it to a unreasonable level, that feeds our anxiety. No matter what type of meditation you may find that fits you, this idea is a core piece of the solution. An example of this is to think of your thoughts as fluffy clouds passing overhead on a sunny day, you observe them, without judgement, and they float away. Another example is to see thoughts as slippery objects you cannot hold onto. The idea of mindful meditation (which is what I am practicing) is not to not think at all, but to recognize you have thoughts, observe but not judge them and let them pass. Harder than it sounds but amazing at retraining your mind how to react to things in everyday life.

Regarding the type of meditation practice and how to begin, I wanted something that would be easy to start (partially so I would not find an excuse to back out of my plan to do this) and that I could do at home in private. I found via YouTube (yay, it is free!), that guided meditations or practices called “mindful meditation” are amazingly easy entrées into meditation. Many videos are only about 30 minutes but there are longer ones too. To get the most out of your session, please find a place when you can do this without distractions. I know this can seem hard, but don’t let this stop you. I have had times I have done a meditation practice in my (parked) car (don’t listen to these while driving, seriously you may fall asleep!!). Any port in a storm if it gets you a slice of quiet time! There are also longer videos with guided meditation to listen to as you tuck into bed that may help you unwind and fall into a calm state for a good night's sleep. I can say that during many of my sessions, memories have come to my mind, and the emotional release that surprisingly follows nearly every time, gives me an incredible release, like a fist held tight for so long that finally is allowed to unclench. Calm, unburdened. Once you allow your mind to follow the words of the instructor, you will be taking that same step to freeing yourself from your own emotional chaos.

Your journey is going to be uniquely yours. As it should be, and this is good. The important thing is to give yourself the permission to be your own hero. Your rescue heart does so much for others, give yourself something back as a well-deserved reward. Give yourself “you” again!

Till next time,

From one Heart to another,

~Sandra